Wednesday, March 20, 2013

My Teen Dating Tell ALL... Totally Cringe Worthy.

I have the opportunity to watch my little sister date. Not in the weird I’m stalking your every move sense, but from her own words. I’m glad she shares a portion of her stories with me, and withholds the stuff that would make me lock her up every night. To tell you the truth, I’m a little jealous that she is experiencing this time in her life. I wish I could do it all over again sometimes.

Sometimes I’m glad I can’t.

I was given the opportunity to talk to the young women of our ward about being a “lady.” How to sit, were to put there hands, and how to dress. More importantly, I talked to them about how to treat young men and have the grace of a woman. Next book I write will be, The Playbook For Young Adult LDS Women. The things I wish I had done and the things I did right would be included too.

My little sister is confident, cute, and outgoing. I wasn’t. In some ways she’s years ahead of what I was. It took me a few years to grow into my pretty, and find out just whom I was. I couldn’t believe when my senior year in high school a guy showed me interest. Of course, I thought he was cute and fun. I kept thinking is this some joke? Did his jerky friends set him up to this? But he actually did liked me. He chased me. It felt good to be a girl. In all actuality, I probably wasn’t mature enough to have a boyfriend. He actually told me he loved me. My response was “thank you.” I couldn’t tell it to him back because I felt like I was too young to say it, and when I did say it I wanted to know for sure I meant it. I was caught a little off guard.

So, I will fast forward to the night I broke up with him. I had been acting pretty “witchy” to him because I felt… guilty. Ugh. I told him we couldn’t date anymore. Not really going into any reason why I wanted to break up with him and gave him the ‘take it or leave it’ attitude.

I was a brat.

The real reason was that I was afraid if we continued to be boyfriend and girlfriend he wouldn’t go on his mission. I didn’t want that huge black cloud hanging over my head. I didn’t want to be his reason for failure. The kinder more lady-like thing to do would’ve been to tell him the truth in a loving way.

I was immature.

We made amends before he went on his mission. He called me halfway through his mission. My mom listened in. It was her mom radar to know when to pick up the phone, I guess. Now this is the time to cringe. Although I was flattered he would call me, I didn’t know what to say. So my mom told me what to say. I had to break things off with him and tell him not to call me any more, or she would call his mission president. All I could eak out was to not call me anymore. Then I painfully hung up the phone. I wanted him to play by the rules. I also didn’t want him to get in trouble over me. When he came home from his mission he stopped by my house for a visit with his best friend. His friend was nice to me. I was nice to both of them. He on the other hand was indifferent to me, and it almost seemed like he was flirting with my sister. (She later told me that he had chatted with her online and said that she was prettier than I… Ouch.) I wanted to tell him right then and there I saved his rear, but couldn’t at the moment.

I felt awkward.

My second boyfriend was the big learning lesson... Trust Your Gut. He treated me like a queen. He was a return missionary. He loved his mom. I soaked up every moment with him. But there were things about him couldn’t shake. He would mysteriously disappear for three days at a time, he wouldn’t let go of his hatred for his father, and he would keep secrets from me. He had enough excess baggage to fill an U-hall. I wanted to fix him but I couldn’t. So I broke up with him before he put a ring on my finger.

Boy, am I glad I did. I found out it was a good thing I trusted my gut because a few months later he came out… and to top it off when he was missing he was spending time with another girl, and he actually asked her to have his baby. At least that is what she told me. I was so stupid!


Feel free to laugh at my horrible dating flop. It took me a while before I could joke about it, “I was such a good girlfriend, that when I broke up with him, he turned gay. He couldn’t find another girl as awesome as me.”

I got wise.

I received a book from a good friend called The Rules To Capturing The Heart Of Mister Right. I had to pick and choose applicable rules but it worked. Jason came home from his mission and I told him right off the bat I wouldn’t call him...but in the nicest way possible. He would have to call me. Especially if he wanted to go out. I tried my best to be bright and happy, I still set goals for my future, and wasn’t over eager to get his attention. He said he liked me because I was virtuous, lovely, and of good report. He was a returned missionary so the compliment was very nice, but a little RM‘esk but still the same cute. Good thing we didn’t have texting and Facebook, or it would’ve been trickier trying to play by the rules. I see girls all the time trying to throw themselves all over boys. All I can do is roll my eyes. Boys like a chase. Let them pursue you. Just make sure of these few things I learned the hard way…

  1. Treat them with kindness and respect.
  2. Be honest and speak your truth with love.
  3.  Learn to say, ”No.” Don’t worry about hurting his feelings if the situation arises.
  4. Be confident.
  5. Trust your gut. If something doesn’t smell right, RUN! Ask your friends to look for red flags you might be too blind to see. !He might be asking someone else to have his baby...awkward!)
  6.  You can’t fix him or help him carry his baggage.
  7.  Be a lady and stick to your values. Be virtuous, lovely, and of good report.
  8.  Don’t throw yourself all over him. I.e. texting him all the time, Facebook stalking, and calling him.
  9. Be the kind of person you would want to date. Remember sometimes the kind of people you attract is a reflection of you. (My dad taught me that. It was a painful lesson that involved him opening the scriptures.)
  10.  Be open and outgoing.
  11.  “Don’t put all your eggs in a basket.” Don’t change your goals and dreams for one "maybe" boyfriend.
  12. Go to school and dream big. It’s attractive to be educated.
  13. Be yourself
  14. .Mind your manners. Boys don’t like girls who can burp and pass gas as good as any other guy.
  15. .Act like a girl. Be feminine but you can still play hard too. I'm always teasing my little sister to turn off her inner trucker.
  16. Don’t seriously date until after you graduate from high school.

Looking back I should have been less self-conscious. I’m a pleaser by nature. Also, I should have done my best to not pine away for the next boyfriend. I wasted valuable time being boy crazy. There were a lot of awesome boys I could have dated but I wasted that time on one guy.

Take a deep breath.

 I should have relaxed and had as much fun as I could − while still being smart and achieving my goals.


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